Otherhood

FYI: i typed in a savage rant so there are misspelling, no caps or apostrophesand many misspelled words……. read at your own discretion……

well i started this blog to vent about how my child thinks i am an idiot and have never experienced anything that she is experiencing. and it has been so long since i blogged that we are getting along great now….

so i am now going to bitch about the country (my country). i decided to get more involved with politics, worldly events, etc. it is so fucking overwhelming. mass school shooting (any shootings actually). roe vs wade….wtf congress!!! Congress needs to get of my hootchee. i cant have anymore children but my daughter, all my nieces and gf’s can still can if they want. which means congress has a say in it. this government is going to shit. womens rights are being taken away not moving forward. im an ‘old’ person and sometimes (alot) have a hard toime with change. but atleast i am trying. the old fuckers in congress want to control and rule the country as it was being overseen before the internet came along. that is IMPOSSIBLE to do! progression, not regression, in our society is the future. so now that i stay up and watch news i worry about how this country is declining. we had a seriously unhinged, bat shit crazy, off the rails president last term, Trump. he so fucked up the country and showed the rest of the world how fucked up our country is at the moment. we, our country, is not feared as we use to be we are laughed at by other countries. we are a joke for letting such a person rule our country. hopefully something good will come from this….like more voters voting (city, state, county & country). yes i am overwhelmed also. so many things to be infuriated about…..so so so many.

1) Roe vs Wade REALLY!!!!

2) it is too easy to purchase fire arms (now, before you rolel ur eyes, i own several fire arms) i am not against owning a fire arm i just want it to be more difficult to get them.

3) healthy food so expensive, no wonder we are all fat (big pharma loves it).

4) folks not taking CoVid and the variants as serious as they should, if we all dont do our part it will never go away.

5) geez…the road rage is off the charts here. i use to be the one passing most and now i am in everyones way. its insane.

I constantly wonder if getting up to speed with the country by watching the news is even worth the stress, anger, frustration, disgust, sadness, embarrassment and total helplessness are worth being aware of. I would hate to be in (or had been in) the military of any branch and our country being torn apart like it is. we are all pointing fingers, blaming, fighting, killing others for so many reasons. im trying to narrow down what i believe to be the best description as to why we are killing one another and right off the top of my head 55 significant words hit me and as i ponder those so many more jump in my head. its just unattainable for me right now. one day the news is on a subject and i am outraged and dive deep into helping that cause. one, maybe two, days alter another horrific event takes place and the first one is forgotten. how is that possible??? i will tell you how, its because we have become so numbed to horrific events bc they are happening so fast that its difficult to focus on just one. so many events appall me and i want to help them all. i am finding it very difficult to pick one bc many hit close to home. then the overwhelmed feeling set in. the guilt that i cant pick one or two only. i feel guilty and like shit for a couple of days. after so much guilt along with just the everyday hurdles and issues directly in my life that i feel i have nothing else to give. so what do i do, i give up…….. and get pissed off at all of it.

how do i control the guilt, the audacity of influential people making obvious wrong decisions, my isolation, my stress, feeling unhealthy (this year has already been worse than most past years combined). it is so fucking much !!! im over it….my mental health is being effected by factors i have no control over and i FUCKING hate that.

i just feel so lonely and cut off from the world and after watching what is happening i am not sure i want to be connected.

im sure i will be ‘categorized’ as a conspiracy theorist …. but i believe the largest companies are in cahoots with one another. (big pharma, food industry, gun industry) these three industries are intertwined. they are making–no allowing– us to become fatter, stupider and lazier bc they know we will. plain and simple.

ever heard of the expression ‘like cattle’ ? if you watch around you and notice when there are two or more lines (drive thru, grocery store, driving, etc) that people have a tendency to get in line behind someone than go to seek out a shorter line. not all, but most, ive done it also, but we have a tendency to get in line so we dont have to pay attention, can turn off our brains or just dont care. this is fine and dandy for most. but if you think the government doesn’t notice this you are sadly mistaken.

i am very intuitive. i notice many many things around me (mostly). and when i see, hear or realize something is happening i wonder who else is noticed also. i know anything i figure out, wonder about or see very obviously is already been noticed or figured out by someone very high in our government. i say all the time if i am just looking at this as a normal citizen then you can be damn sure the higher ups and seen it, used it or moved on to the next thing i have yet to notice. if the government comes out with a ‘new’ jet, sub, helicopter, outer space -whatever- and people are so surprised and in awww ….. im just like, do you not realize if the general public is hearing about it then they are like 3-4 steps above this ‘NEW’ introduction….DUH we are all mushrooms. *if you dont know what that means look it up—it pertains to darkness & shit — LOL

you think RvsW is gonna be the only LAW overturned. ba ha ha…u ARE a mushroom. how can a person watch just one news channel, listen to one group, etc and think that is the gospel. i watch a short news station and i realize that everything i hear is not totally correct. i question everything and take most things with a grain of salt. there is always some truth, blatant lie and exaggeration in the stories we are told. just gotta figure out which is which, and that is not an easy feat. i dont even know now a days if there is an actual truth to anything. 2 people argue, things are said and each person walks away with a different interpretation of what was meant. its been happening since the dawn of time. the difference now is we are not willing to communicate with others and work it out, fix what we can and compromise. everyone wants to change everyone else’s mind……..and why? bc they think they are right and the other is wrong. if we as a human race dont learn to be more caring, forgiving, compassionate, loving, generous and help one another then mother earth and the heavens are going to ALLOW us to make the human race extinct. honestly if you watch sci-fi movie and zombie movies pertaining to the end of the world by the way of earth quake, floods and/or diseases …. peeps its a gonna happen. we may see the walking dead may be a exaggeration of what’s to come but i believe it is coming. i just i dont see it in my generation or my child’s generation. i want to live my life in my little bubble and be happy. unfortunately that will not be an option…..but i can try……

A fed up American